The fear is love. How to get rid of fear of losing someone you love takes a few steps like recognizing that fear is normal and you are not crazy for being a bit concerned at the thought of maybe being without your love. I remember the other day, we were making home made ice cream and she asked me if I am starting to like somebody else, I said yes and she let go of her spoon and cried. when someone is afraid of death, they have thantophobia. If your fear is crushing you that much, then you need to let your partner know how you’re feeling. It is important, therefore, to liberate yourself of this fear if you want to enjoy a good relationship and be a good partner. Actually I am in a long distance relationship so I always have a fear of losing him. #1 Just relax; it’s natural. Loss is a part of life, and will impact you in some way some day. Ever since then, I have had this fear that everybody I’m with will just get up and walk away without a second thought. [Read: 9 important habits you need to learn to feel more independent]. The word originates from Greek “filos” which means ‘loving or beloved’. While there is a place for healthy doubt (especially if there are red flags in the relationship that need your attention), doubt in a healthy relationship is a very subtle and sneaky defense mechanism that, at its root, is the fear of loss. We both realized over time that our differences might eventually separate us but we knew that the good made it worth it. If you have healthy boundaries, your own interests, and good self-esteem, then it is not his freedom that he is afraid of losing. The fear of rejection — of losing the other person.. and. With each determination to bounce back, people’s capacity for resilience actually grows stronger. Constant communication is as much of a problem as it is a resolver. All rights reserved. Sure, you would like to have your life continue with them, and it’s a scary thought that they might not be a part of it, but you will continue to live your life either way. We had a good laugh about it though and there was the moent we knew that our love was forever. This isn’t news to anybody in a relationship. A gavel has come down in their emotional courtrooms: discovery is over and only what is already known will determine the outcome. This may be a harsh reality, but it’s an honest one. We feel our life would be over without the other person. These fears comes from a great love. The second characteristic is the understanding of the process of grief. Get the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from Psychology Today. But, the first step is establishing the existence of pistanthrophobia, and here are 8 signs that you might be one of those who have fear of trusting others. If you can imagine your life without them, and realize that you can go on, you’ll be okay, and everything will work out in the end, it’s so much easier to face the possibility of abandonment. #7 Picture your life without them. If you’re in the dating game and looking for the kind of partner who is undaunted by past relationship losses, listen for these kinds of stories he or she tells you about past relationships: “My ex is a great guy. Although childhood loss and trauma might not seem related to romance and romantic relationships, your childhood relationships form the bedrock for all of your future relationships, and you very often carry the wounds inflicted by parental relationships and friendships in childhood well into … One of the best ways to alleviate the fear of losing your significant other is to simply talk to them about it. Known as a "fear of commitment," it is very common for those that: Have never been in a relationship. But most have just been determined to get better with practice. www.heroiclove.com. Many people have two major fears that may cause them to avoid intimacy: 1. We act from fear when we’re too busy to pay attention, when we’re too stressed to slow down, when we make assumptions instead of asking questions. Most have become pessimistic about ever finding a quality, long-lasting relationship. Summarized, if you want to be in a happy relationship, you need to let down your walls and face your fears because you don’t want to ruin every potential date and opportunity to find the one. Fear of, or having been in, an unhealthy relationship (characterized by abandonment, infidelity, abuse, etc.) How Much Are You Willing to Sacrifice for Your Relationship? When I calm down and realize that yes my life will go on with or without him then there is a healthy environment for building my relationship free from fear. The depression that accompanies pathological grief can totally absorb all of their energy to the point where that person feels doomed to forever live in a past that will never return. The more someone means to us, the more afraid we are of losing that person. The loss of love takes over their lives, making all other positive elements pale by comparison. Some relationship anxiety has little to do with the partner and more to do with the fear of being in a relationship in the first place. There are a number of reasons you might fear losing yourself in a relationship: You've been taught that you are responsible for another's feelings, especially someone you love. Were you ever fearful of losing someone that you lost yourself in the process? Accepting this reality now will send you on your way to overcoming your fear. Have been in bad relationships. I was feeling so depressed and not able to even concentrate in my daily routine. #5 Enjoy your partner! The fear of losing someone you love is completely and totally natural. Seeing your concerns on paper will help you see that maybe you need to tone it down a little bit, and that everything will be alright in the end. How to Pass Time and Make Life During Lockdown More Inspiring. But I don’t express my feelings to him coz I feel he would get hurt when say those things. Though each person must go through this process in his or her own time and way, the goal is to do so purposefully and efficiently. Fear of Loss in a Relationship. It doesn’t have to be this way. Losing loved ones happens on a daily basis. They just don’t want to make the same mistakes again. Losing yourself completely is what is ultimately at stake. Where Is That Fine Line Between Terror and Delight? The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly. Though a combination of cynicism and caution may be the safest policy to minimize future losses, it can also be a powerful detriment to successful relationships. Though each person is only able to do it in his or her own way, everyone can master some part of this change. They willingly accept that loss may be inevitable and that the only way to deal with that possibility is to live life fully until that happens. Dr. Randi’s free advice e-newsletter, Heroic Love, shows you how to avoid the common pitfalls that keep people from finding and keeping romantic love. I have since realized that I have an irrational fear of losing the one I love. These forms of protection occur in the realm of the mind and usually manifest as doubt. And they’re not just neurotic optimists. Thantophobia means the Fear of losing someone you love. Losing the one you love is a common fear amongst many people. You can’t physically stop every person who comes into your life from leaving. Here are a few steps that you can and you should take in order to abandon this fear of losing your partner once and for all: 1. Thank you so much. Resilience is the determination to bounce back as quickly as possible after love ends. You know you love someone when a mere thought of losing them brings tears to your eyes…. Fear of losing someone you love is a common fear. This isn’t news to anybody in a relationship. We all feel it from time to time, even if there is no legitimate reason. To me, it feels like every person is gearing up to walk out, and I can’t handle the fear of losing them. To help combat your deep-seated fear of abandonment, we have put together an abundance of different ways you can overcome that fear easily! Loving yourself means the … Research from 2010 looking at commitment in romantic relationships suggests feelings of commitment can develop as a response to feelings of worry or fear over losing a partner. #3 Get a journal. Required fields are marked *. They don’t want to become cynical or enter their next relationship pre-defeated, but are understandably cautious. Taking a few moments to picture it will definitely stop your worrying in its tracks. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. A deep, subconscious fear of intimacy can rear its ugly head, showing up in response to a relationship that is becoming uncomfortably close, and one way this fear can manifest is via anger. Most of the time, you’ll find yourself forgetting about any fears you had about losing them, because you’ll be too wrapped up in affection to care. When we fall in love, we not only face the fear of losing our partner, but we become more aware of our mortality. It incorporates the five A’s: acknowledge, adapt, adjust, accommodate, and accept. Instead of worrying about the unknown try to realize that you need to focus on a good relationship if you have one and be positive about it . Life happens whether you want it to or not, and you will have to deal with losing people you love here and there. When one undergoes a really painful heartbreak, it may be very scary to get back into a relationship with someone else so we hold back instead of fully diving in. Instead of allowing failure to defeat them, they become more determined to love more deeply the next time around and become even more determined to take whatever risks that entails. I am *truthfully* the guiltiest of this terrible habit—I just can’t help it! The third and perhaps most important characteristic is an unrelenting faith that new love is always possible and options for that to happen will only increase as awareness and learning mount. After dating a couple of guys and breaking things off with them, I started dating this guy who was my everything. (Or something happening to someone you love.) We’re afraid we won’t be accepted as we are, so we don’t show our true selves. As far as unusual phobias are concerned; Philophobia certainly ranks high in the list. As a result of dwelling on the worst possible outcome, you will act differently. By realizing that it’s normal for you to have some fear over losing someone you love, you will be able to accept your feelings and work toward moving on. fear of losing someone is important in a relationship without this feeling you will not be able to… For sure, some are the lucky ones who have always become stronger after loss. They know that the most attractive people are in love with life and with what is not yet known, and that new discoveries only enhance that process. I know that some people have more sorrows than they can bear and I respect it when they need to quit, but somehow, so far, I’ve been lucky. They willingly risk one for the other. If we put aside those life challenges over which none of us have control, people who are successful in their relationships do the opposite of shutting down when a relationship ends. #4 Communicate with your partner. An unhealthy fear of losing loved ones is more like a rising anxiety, and comes with extreme thinking. What we don’t often consider is that the bargaining begins well before the loss. [Read: Abandonment issues and how it affects your relationship]. In observing those who do intentionally invest more in life and love after loss, I now understand what three combinations of attitudes and behaviors they share in common. If you have feelings for them at all, then you’re going to be upset if they were to one day walk away from you. [Read: 25 must-follow relationship rules that’ll guarantee a successful romance]. If you have feelings for them at all, then you’re going to be upset if they were to one day walk away from you. By worrying so much about losing someone, you may actually be making your current situation worse—or even driving them away. I know, I know! But just hear me out, because it’s the most effective way *for me, anyway* to overcome this fear. Please remember that the messages you send out into the world invite the kind of person you want to respond to them. The fear of losing someone you love is completely and totally natural. I pictured us together for the long haul, and we’d even picked out our future children’s names—I know, it’s cliché! Trust issues because of past hurts by those close to the person Childhood trauma or abuse There are things in your life that are going to happen, whether you want them to or not. 2. Get the very best of LovePanky straight to your inbox! We know of bargaining as one of the “stages” of grief. When it comes to committing to a relationship, there are factors we weigh out before we make the choice to commit. 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